I have always been told that God works in mysterious ways. I can now see how much the worldly view of God is different then what it is really like. I knew in my heart that this journey would not be easy and would be life changing. My worldly mind led me to think that it would be a slow transformation and everything that I wanted would be granted to me. I have to laugh at this because I think this is why so many people fall away from God and his plans for our life. We as a generation put too much focus on material things. We confuse the reality that living a life with God does not mean that you will have fame, fortune, and the other desires of this world. What I now find is that you start out by getting inner peace, mixed with some turmoil.

What I mean by this is that when you truly look to God and seek a relationship with him the daily things that this life offers us does not seem to matter that much. When faced with bills pilling up, cars breaking down (because you cannot afford to go out and buy a new one every year), sickness, and every other daily disappointment that this world seems to offer us, it does not seem like that big of a deal. The turmoil comes in because your worldly mind still tries to hold on to these things and you hope that they won’t happen. You might also wonder if you are doing the correct things to please God.

I have read a few books now that my pastor has loaned and given to me and one thing seems to stand out to me more than anything else that I have read. You can do the right thing by god, not get the outcome you think he wants from it, and he still smiles down on you, you still make him happy. That is what God wants from us, a passionate relationship with Him, and to do things that are pleasing to Him. I imagine that he wants us to feel about Him the way we felt about the first girl or boy we fell in love with, even if it was puppy love. You know the feeling and relationship that I’m talking about? You think about them all the time, wanting to purchase flowers, candy, or some other thing just to put a smile on their face. Always wondering if what you are doing is going to make them happy, I think that is what God wants from us.

He has made it really clear in the bible and stories from other people that he wants you to try and please him. He obviously knows we are not perfect (that is how he made us) and does not expect perfection from us. What he expects is for us to believe that He sent His only son to die on the cross to save our sins, desire Him and try to please Him in all aspects of our lives! That is it. A simple, laid out plan to follow. He does not want people to go to church for an hour or two a week and then forget everything until next week. He longs for us to want to be his best friend.

I know this might not be the first time you have heard this but no matter who is telling their story this seems to hold true. God loves us and if we can all just take our eyes off of the worldly desires and make Him our desire all things promised to us will be given. Now I mentioned that it might be mixed with some turmoil. This might not be for everyone but for me right now it is. I have always wanted to help other people. My mom tells me stories of standing in the grocery store holding the door open for everyone how was coming in, even if they were still out in the parking lot and I could be a long ways from the door by the time they got there I would wait for them. I like to make people smile.

I have started my own business within the last couple of years and have had ups and downs. I’m still not rich! I always thought that is how I would become rich. Now I see I just have a second pile of bills to take care of. Don’t get me wrong I would not change the fact that I took on this adventure; it has helped shape who I am today. I stared this journey towards God and wanted to know if I was doing what He had planned for me and what He wanted for my life. I then prayed (with the help of my pastor) that God take control of my business and allow me to do good things for Him through it. Then when He was done with it that I let it go and move on to the next adventure He has in store for my life with Him.

The week before that business was going good and looked like everything was turning around for the better. Now it looks as though the doors might have to close soon. This is the part that confused my emotions and caused me turmoil in my head, but not over what you might think. I am confused because I am good at this and wanted to do it so I thought that was what God had planned for me. Well now that things are not going so good I wonder if I was wrong with that thought. I never let god guide me, I just used to decide what I wanted and decided that God must want the same thing. I tried to control what God wanted out of me instead of just letting go and letting God.

Business might pull through and does a complete 180 degree change, or it could end up with me moving on to a new adventure. The best thing is that I am not worried, scared, mad, or frustrated. I am at peace. I have learned something great that I hope everyone gets to feel at some point in their life if they have not already. I know that whatever way it goes from here that God is with me and in control. I am doing what He wants for the first time in my life and WOW, it feels good!! I also know that if I do have to move on it is because God has another adventure planned for me that I cannot do from this spot in my life. That is exciting to me.

God loves me and I can whole heartedly feel it for maybe the first time in my life. I pray that everyone who reads this and people who don’t can feel what I am feeling right now. Even when faced with struggles like a business that might not make it and bills piling up, I know that God will let me be able to make sure my kids can be fed and we will all stay worm and alive. The rest I think is part of the adventure of it all. I feel fully alive for the first time ever. Thank you God.