Like I said earlier, I by no means was a saint. I am not one today either, the only difference is now I try to make sure the things I do are pleasing to God. Well like I said in the last entry I walked away from the Church and didn’t return for a long time. It is funny how you look at things when you are young. I personally took the fact that my pastors left as a personal thing against me. Now when I look at it I have to wonder if God was testing me and my faith. As I write this and the words flow out in front of me on my screen I can now see what my biggest mistake was, I was looking in the wrong direction. These two people plaid powerful roles in my life, but I felt dependent on them. I should have been looking towards God and been dependent on him, and let these people be the tools God gave me to work with.

The longer I stayed away from the church the farther down the wrong path I traveled. I found myself doing everything the Bible said not to do, and soon forgot all about my relationship with God and the Christian life. I will not go into the details of my misbehaving but I will say that I was not leading the life God had intended for me. I was going down the road of self-destruction and was totally blind to the destination that was ahead of me.

I was taking the path more traveled. I was following the ways of the world and letting myself be misleading by earthly possessions and desires. This trip all started at about the age of fifteen if I remember correctly and continued on for about the next five years. I found that I had no happy relationships in life while I was younger. Nothing ever seemed to go the way I wanted it to; I figured I was destined to be what the world considered a lost cause.

I would get a job, move up to a management spot (if I did not start at one) and work there for a while. I would then feel like it was not taking me where I wanted to be and started looking for the BBD, bigger better deal. I could not figure out why no matter what I did I just didn’t feel happy. I take that back I would feel happy at the moment, but as far as long lasting and true happiness of the heart, I just couldn’t find it.